Tuesday, August 21, 2007

I'm airing it........

It really is the oddest thing how I gained a husband and unknowingly lost my best-friend. I'm still left unanswered as to why by BF of 4 years didn't come to my shower, wedding or contacted me in the last 4 months. It's an odd sadness because I feel all those cliched feelings of "at least I know now who she is" and "i guess our friendship wasn't as close as i thought" or people have said "Leigha, she must be jealous of you" but i think that's all bullshit. She was my best friend. She was my confidant and #6 in my speed-dial (2-5 were all family) and then *POOF* she's gone. It started with her not getting PAID time off (she couldn't taken unpaid) from work to come to my bridal shower but then make it to the wedding damn it! how bout showing a little remorse for not coming or fuck it; lets be honest at least send a gift, a really nice gift that shows me you actually remembered that on that day i was getting married and that you cared you weren't there. After all, it was an event i had hoped to share with. An event we'd talked about the year and half Chadd and I were engaged. Remember how you use to say you would be crying so much you wouldn't even be able to give a speech? WTF.

Now though, OBVIOUSLY there is still some residual anger (it's subsiding and soon I won't care at all) but I have realized that we weren't as good of friends as i thought and that you aren't the best friend for me to have. You're scared to live your life and have horrendous walls up that I'd always assumed didn't encircle me but they did and it's cool, i get it. You're scared. You're just a quiet mid-west girl and that's who you will always be.
I truly wish you the best but you're not the friend for me girl. You didn't get me, support me or truly love me because you vanished. and I have to say it, it reminds me of what your father did to you. It's a habit you're choosing to repeat on those closet to you like he did.
Finally, I saw on your myspace profile that you changed your about me to say something about "finding out who you're real friends are and who'll stand by you when times are tough" and I could really smack you because that's how i feel, not you. Dude you are so not the victim of a bad best friend who left you hanging it was YOU. You're the fucked up friend who is too whatever the word is to give a fuck that this was my "big day" (to steal your little catch fraze) because it was my big day. My time to have my favorite people around me sharing in my happiness and have them all wishing me well. Happy that with all my broken past i had found someone to love and cherish me. It's what your friends wish for you when they are real friends.
So now it's over, I've said my peace and it feels good. You left me hanging at the alter and in hindsight the real truth is I didn't think about you once that day.

good luck with your walls, maybe you can find a rock climber like yourself that doesn't mind spending an eternity scaling them.

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