The time rolled back an hour yesterday so I find myself up at 6am instead of 7am and you still in bed, this is rare. You sort of have a mom beacon and like to stay within my range. As much as a few moments solo are lovely in the morning for some personal centering, I really do love your presence. Your morning snuggles satisfy my soul deeply. I hope they continue.You will always find my arms open and my nook available.
There was a time that I was sick being your warm snuggle buddy. Sick of being the only one that could do bedtimes. I nursed you to sleep for over three years every night and didn't earn a moment of solo evening time until I'd completed my stealth mission of sneaking my arm out from under you then silently lifting my body off your bed and across a creaky old floor. If the mission was a failure it was back to bed till I could try it again. I just wanted to sit in my own bed solo, maybe read a book, sip wine, watch a show while holding your dads hand or hangin in his nook to recharge.
So I was happy once bedtimes became something that any parental warm body could do. Your dad is much more stealth than I am anyways.
But now you're 7. So big. The days less painfully slow and I find myself without complaint and with you at bedtime almost every night. I don't have to wait to leave til you are off in dreamland now.
I'm aware my days as your main girl might be numbered and that a 17 year old probably doesn't need a bedtime story so here I stay till you ask me to go away.
Trying to create something long and strong that will carry us through teenage years. Will you always share you rose, thorn and bud with me?
I love hearing about your day. The ups and downs. What you look forward to.
We only have so long with each other. I came across a blog I'd written yesterday that I forgot about. You were always who I imagined reading it. Maybe I'll even put this one on there and take it back up. I hope you don't see the slowed down posts and emails to you as a sign of anything. I use to have so much I wanted to say and you couldn't absorb it but now you can and you are so with it. So bright, So so sharp.
For sure, you will be a better arguer than me one day and probably sooner than later to be honest. You have that balanced Libra mind. Mine is more emotional. That was goal after all. To give you stability.
The other night you and a dear friend of yours were having a hard time and I could see her on the brink of tears. Not solely because of you but the situation and a sense of jealousy over something you had. Anyways, I spoke to her privately and tried to help her move through but I offered a solution that left you upset and through your tears you were able to verbalize quite well that you felt I was creating a solution that made your friend happy at the expense of your unhappiness and that was just as unfair. You didn't yell, thrash or whine. You were calm, centered and had your own tears falling down your face. What composure you had.
Luckily you girls sorted it out but it showed me something I needed to see.
You are so strong Aurelia without being afraid to be vulnerable.
I'm proud of you my girl.
I will sit by this fire and keep the sweetgrass and sage burning till you rise. My arms ready to embrace you for our morning snuggles.
Love, Mama
