Wednesday, March 26, 2014

A letter to Aurelia

You have been on this earth for a year and a half, for exactly 548 days. Sometimes it feels like how has it really been that long and other times I can't remember life without you. Before you it was just your Dad and I for about 7 years and before that there was me, alone, for 26. All three "eras" have been well lived and enjoyed but this last year and a half have been extraordinary.  I am so deeply in love with your little spirit, with your soul, with how you enjoy life and how you relate to me and your Dada. Don't ever feel pressure or overwhelmed by my love though little one for I am a lover, it is my path in life to love you so immensely but it is not yours to ever feel like you have to hold yourself up to my love in ways that you don't want to. I will always love you for who YOU are not who you think I want you to be. That is the gift of motherhood and you were the one who taught it to me, I thank you for that. 
I've been a better wife because of what I've learned while being your mom and I've been even kinder to myself, family and friends.  I'm learning more about myself and what feeds my soul just as you too are learning who you are in this world. 

You love to be chased and we love chasing you whenever you say Chase! You know when you are scared though you call it sayca when helicopters fly overhead. Luckily, on our flight to my dads and back this past week you didn't get sayca. You just hung out on the plane, sometimes in your own seat (we flew first class and had most of it too ourselves) eating snacks, walking around and on the way home you slept in my arms. 
I think you had a blast at my dads riding on the tractor with him, chasing the alpacas, finding all the Buddhas outside and then trying to sit in their laps, climbing in the big tee pee and playing with the baby chicks. We met cousin Kai for the first time, you liked saying baby but most certainly did not like when I held him. Not to mention you are cutting some serious teeth and that always puts you in mama mode. It was very warming to see your reaction to me holding another baby and also reconfirms the decision that we are most likely not having any other kids. We feel like with you our family is complete. I sincerely hope that this is a decision you will be OK with throughout your life and know we made the decision out of love for you and for ourselves. 

Tonight you feel asleep on me an hour before your bedtime and as I carried you into your room I felt the weight of your growing body on my heart. How big you are, how quick you are growing. No longer a baby but you will always ALWAYS be my baby and I will always love you as such.

Love, Mama