Saturday, August 25, 2007

a chill in the air......

We've had some bedding issues lately. We had to get a new box spring AND frame which equals a lot of money spent out of the blue. And then of course to complete the new bed sitch we got a bedskirt that took me a half an hour to iron. If I'm ever wealthy enough to not have to do my own laundry and ironing - I'd be very happy indeed. On the way home from Bed, Bath and Beyond I had the window down and the breeze was heavenly. It was coool and felt great on this Oregonians skin. I don't think I relized that I like that weather until just last year when Chaddy and i started walking in the fall and getting a kick out of crispness in our hair & the air as we held hands walking our neighborhood, me busy stomping on the leaves! I'm thrilled that it's cool outside but unfortunately my California husband prefers the sun. I think I'm a 3 season girl myself: fall, spring and summer baby! Anyways, off to get ready for a movie with my crisp-air loving brother who feels good in his cool bones too. Superbad; how fucking funny are you really!!!

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Loves List

I wrote this for Chadd before the wedding. I love all the little quirks about us that make an US. We all have our idiot-synchrosis and to truly love Chadd is to honor his and love him deeper because of them. Just like he does with my many...

He’s obsessed with climbing and jumping
She has to read in bed with her cat for 30 mins after work to properly calm down
He needs double cheese on anything he eats that’s cheesy
She likes cheese too
He use to say two-apart because of together
She smothers her lips in anything creamy than licks it off
He prefers baths
She only washes her hair 2 times and week and is terrible at it
On her birthday and Valentines Day he washes it for her
She made him watch all the sex and the cities
He finally admitted he likes them
They don’t like watching anything with people cheating on their partner
He wishes he could have two a day sex sessions with her
She has him on a semi-sex schedule
He always cleans the hair out of the drains
She packs his bags for him
They are obsessed with their cats
He doesn’t read but likes to have books of things that interest him
She has a random hair that grows on her chest and is having it lasered
If he farts around her he makes her promise to hold her breath
One time she pooped with the door open when he was home
He was a virgin
She kissed him first
He can’t get enough
She loves him so much that she cries
He bought her the perfect ring
She pestered him until he surprised her with it
He combs his hair slick back after washing it
She only washes her armpits, girly parts and face in the shower
He has a little tooth
She only looks good in pictures when she's smiling
He looks like superman
She always wanted to be famous
He can do the robot better than anyone
She cares what other people think
He could care less
She loves the color pink but only certain shades
Red’s been his favorite color his whole life
She goes to boot camp for exercise because she’s too lazy to workout herself
He likes martial arts
She isn’t overweight but still thinks she’s fat
His ears don’t have lobes
She sings to any song she knows trying to prove she can sing
He lies to her and says she’s good even though she’s tone deaf
She needs a lot of adoration
He gives her anything she needs
She wants to hide in a closet when she’s sad
He makes the bed every day for her
She relies on him to plan their future but has opinions about everything
He lets her think she’s in control
She doesn’t swallow
He says he doesn’t care
She sleeps on her stomach
He sleeps on his back but wants to sleep on his stomach
They are desperately in love
She’s going to take his last name even though she hates it
He’s not offended but wants her to take it anyways
She can only eat her meat well done but orders is med well and always sends it back
He wants to walk outside without shoes on
Sometimes she lets him but rarely
He’s going to high jump again
She’s so proud that he chose her
They both love cleaning their ears
He runs the bath for her if she wants a bath
But she runs it for him too
Candles = romance
Kissing is their favorite
He hates when she sticks her tongue in his mouth out of the blue
She likes red wine
He likes white and tries to get her drunk
They talk in baby talk together
They are getting married in 38 days

I'm airing it........

It really is the oddest thing how I gained a husband and unknowingly lost my best-friend. I'm still left unanswered as to why by BF of 4 years didn't come to my shower, wedding or contacted me in the last 4 months. It's an odd sadness because I feel all those cliched feelings of "at least I know now who she is" and "i guess our friendship wasn't as close as i thought" or people have said "Leigha, she must be jealous of you" but i think that's all bullshit. She was my best friend. She was my confidant and #6 in my speed-dial (2-5 were all family) and then *POOF* she's gone. It started with her not getting PAID time off (she couldn't taken unpaid) from work to come to my bridal shower but then make it to the wedding damn it! how bout showing a little remorse for not coming or fuck it; lets be honest at least send a gift, a really nice gift that shows me you actually remembered that on that day i was getting married and that you cared you weren't there. After all, it was an event i had hoped to share with. An event we'd talked about the year and half Chadd and I were engaged. Remember how you use to say you would be crying so much you wouldn't even be able to give a speech? WTF.

Now though, OBVIOUSLY there is still some residual anger (it's subsiding and soon I won't care at all) but I have realized that we weren't as good of friends as i thought and that you aren't the best friend for me to have. You're scared to live your life and have horrendous walls up that I'd always assumed didn't encircle me but they did and it's cool, i get it. You're scared. You're just a quiet mid-west girl and that's who you will always be.
I truly wish you the best but you're not the friend for me girl. You didn't get me, support me or truly love me because you vanished. and I have to say it, it reminds me of what your father did to you. It's a habit you're choosing to repeat on those closet to you like he did.
Finally, I saw on your myspace profile that you changed your about me to say something about "finding out who you're real friends are and who'll stand by you when times are tough" and I could really smack you because that's how i feel, not you. Dude you are so not the victim of a bad best friend who left you hanging it was YOU. You're the fucked up friend who is too whatever the word is to give a fuck that this was my "big day" (to steal your little catch fraze) because it was my big day. My time to have my favorite people around me sharing in my happiness and have them all wishing me well. Happy that with all my broken past i had found someone to love and cherish me. It's what your friends wish for you when they are real friends.
So now it's over, I've said my peace and it feels good. You left me hanging at the alter and in hindsight the real truth is I didn't think about you once that day.

good luck with your walls, maybe you can find a rock climber like yourself that doesn't mind spending an eternity scaling them.

Monday, August 13, 2007

lets be honest....

it's been awhile since i've blogged and i think that's ok because NOBODY reads my blog but me. It's my own journal and i want to get back into it. It's been a few months since i've written and so much has happend in that space of time. I'm now 29, Married, no longer friends with Liz (why, i'm still not sure) and I've traveled to Italy with my husband. But let's just start with today.
I feel sad. I don't know why in reality but I think it has something to do with spending too much time at work and away from my family. There's so much pettiness around me and it's so exhausting being everyone's go to gal. I am not slammed busy but I feel like a hostess all day as i'm tired of it. I just want to chill for a bit. or I just want to be slammed busy solving my own problems. I'm sure everyone out there has similar issues. We're all just earning that paycheck, trading time for money but I want to be more, have more. Especially freedom and time. I want to go explore new places and see old people. My grandma's not doing so great and I want to go be with her and my mom. Not looking at the time count down till returning to work.
Also, i'm dying to go to my dads and relax on the Island. Get my feet and hands all dirty in the garden and cook great big dinners with the family. Drink too much wine and watch good movies snuggled up to the siblings.
All this includes family but i'd love love love to get away with my new husband and go explore somewhere like Austin. Drinking in the different people and foods. Listening to new stories and talking to new people whom I didn't know i'd ever meet.
In reality, i've used up all of my vacation time FOR THE YEAR. I feel like i'm holding back a good cry. On the brink of tears although I'm really mostly happy but there's just these fews things missing that are bringing me down. this blog is fully unfinished but my work is calling my name and i just needed to get this down. so boo