Sunday, August 4, 2013

Quickest year of my life

Well that wasn't too snappy. Said I'd be right and look what took me a year to get back here. Guess I was busy birthing then raising that baby but the good news is we did it! We kept her alive! She's even thriving and happy. Drug free birthed and formula free fed  so I guess it's no wonder it took me so long. I mean who really gives a shit though. I just write this for me, as a journal that I can visit and for you my darling daughter, Aurelia. When I write, it's always you I picture as my reader.
A year ago, I was huge. The stretch marks that I currently sport where forming on my underbelly unbeknownst to me. My feet were my worst enemy and I was starting to dream about giving birth and getting the baby out! That is the blessing of getting huge, for the first time you aren't afraid of birth, you welcome it. The bullet you need in your gun to put you out of that misery. I went 10 super long days overdue but I had her at home as intended. Drug free, excruciating pain but drug free and I was instantly in love when she emerged. My hub was so amazing and likes to say the home birth was really a gift for him because he was able to be involved and bond with her immediately. TMI alert: there was a moment when they locked eyes while she was venturing out. I think in that moment he became a dad. Super intense magical stuff right there. Don't get me started, I could write for days about those two...together they are what my dreams are exactly made of and they bring me to tears and are the cliche to my heart but let's not have a collective puke/cryfest. Lets keep this in recap zone.
Best part hands down of the whole birthing experience besides getting that baby on my chest and just holding, seeing, feeling, sniffing, kissing, witnessing her existence was an hour later after I had rinsed, dressed and gotten into bed. Holding my baby, next to my wonderful man, we laid in bed as a family with our now extended family around us and had a sip of champagne. At that moment, yes I was sore, but that's it. I was alert and engaged. I was a mom and I felt like I could run around the world if my daughter needed me too. It was the highlight of my life.
Since then, the magic has continued to unfold on the daily in small and mountainous ways. With first laughs, blue eyes, teeth emerging, hands clapping, full diapers, fingers wrapped around my neck, in nursing and latching, midnight snuggles and countless other ways.
My husband has become so much more. He's a father, a provider, a genuine adult and more than I could ever have hoped for. He fixes things. Like orders parts off the internet and fixes our ice maker for instance. That is more than I ever hoped for and he does it. He also loves our nugget to bits and has coined some awesome nicknames for her. Rookie Roo, Papa Yugi, Nuggie ( I know everyone has this one but..) Some real winners.
And me, I've had such a huge year! I've been with our babe everyday. Such a blessing. I've met some amazing other moms and their awesome babes. We've decorated our home, finally can say that every interior wall has been created purposefully and painted. I'm back to my old body for the most part. Nursing is officially my favorite work out of all time. Burns the calories, if only it toned. Our pace of life is much slower but damn if I don't stay so busy all day. This housewife shit is no joke. Laundry, groceries, watering plants, a little paperwork and my day is done. I have spent a fair amount of time writing just not online. I've got a gratitude journal going, a baby book of her monthly changes and I write Aurelia emails. I can't talk with her and I so badly want to communicate so this is our compromise and time capsule for her to read one day.
Well bedtime I realize is upon my sleepy eyes so with this I will leave to wonder when I will next post...a week, a year...hmmm